On abuse, healing and new chapters....

The concept of “Dear Cowgirl” was an accident. An honest-to-God accident which caught me completely by surprise.

When I was in my early twenties, I gave an interview to Western Horseman magazine where I spoke about my experience as a survivor of domestic violence and sexual assault.

Topics like abuse, violence against women and torture often clear a room pretty quickly; conversations become awkward and stilted; eyebrows shoot upward and subjects are quickly changed.

These are tough topics to handle. The reality that humans are capable of carrying out horrific acts against another human are difficult to wrap our heads around. As tragic or uncomfortable as no matter how difficult the conversation is however, I truly believe these must be topics we discuss within the western world and beyond.

Sometimes I wonder if I’d known about the pushback and anger kindled through speaking out about these issues, if I might have stayed silent. I might not have spoken out. I might have gone about my life quietly, wondering if other women were struggling with the things I had felt. If I was alone in the pain and loss I felt, did they also feel alone? By speaking up, things shifted.

The positive responses outweighed the bad, and within a few months, something changed. Letters I received from women and girls took on a different tone, beginning with “I love this music,” and turning into, “I am with this guy/girl and it’s becoming scary. I am afraid.”

Women started talking to me, opening up, telling me their hopes and joys and fears. And in truth, I often was forced to look inward to be able to respond. I didn’t always write the perfect response. I don’t know if I ever write the “right” thing back still, but I continue to respond honestly.

I started writing #dearcowgirl posts because I hope they might make someone feel better. I hoped that someone will feel some comfort to know they are never alone, because none of us are.

We all struggle, we all feel pain, fear, joy and longing. We all feel confused, overwhelmed and like we don’t belong at some point—but we must not isolate ourselves in this fear.

We must offer a hand to others, offer an open mind and giving heart and feel as deeply as possible. Every moment of every day. We must connect with one another, we must love one another.

We are all just doing the best we can. The topics of violence and abuse have created an open door to talk about things that need to be spoken aloud. Things that need to be shared with our women, as scary as it feels. The things our fathers need to hear. The things that our brothers should know. The things we never talked about with our mothers.

I truly believe we as women need to not just talk about supporting each other, but show that support through our actions. Through comfort, through encouragement, and through love. We might not always get it right, but no matter what—we try again.

We fall down seven times, and stand up eight.

Each Dear Cowgirl is a love letter to every woman out there that needs to know she is not alone, and if you are one of those women, dear reader—I hope you find some hope and comfort within these pages.

Dear Cowgirl, please remember that you are so very loved.

xoxo

Adrian

(Excerpt from “Dear Cowgirl Vol II)